1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:18,110 Last week on Married With Children: 2 00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:22,512 Al and Bud were being hunted by killers from two different towns... 3 00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:26,673 ...each wanting to kill them in their respective villages. 4 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:29,480 Bud was warned by some new friends. 5 00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:31,950 You will die in the morning. 6 00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:36,796 And if things aren't bad enough, their only hope of rescue is Kelly. 7 00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:42,229 Marcie and Jefferson have sought salvation elsewhere. 8 00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:44,829 Bad Americans. 9 00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:47,196 And for you Buck fans... 10 00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:51,228 Would it have killed them to pay an extra dollar so I could eat? 11 00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:54,591 And now, Married With Children continues. 12 00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:57,234 Hang them high Hang them high 13 00:01:57,440 --> 00:01:59,749 Hang them till they thirst and die 14 00:01:59,960 --> 00:02:02,110 Hang them high Hang them high 15 00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:04,754 Hang them till they thirst and die 16 00:02:06,320 --> 00:02:11,917 I welcome you all here on this wonderful Lower Uncton afternoon... 17 00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:17,114 ...to witness the deaths of the hated Bundy males. 18 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:22,117 Their excruciating deaths will usher in... 19 00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:26,836 ...a new era of prosperity and sunlight... 20 00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:29,679 ...on this peaceful village. 21 00:02:29,920 --> 00:02:32,593 Kill! Kill! Kill! 22 00:02:32,840 --> 00:02:35,479 Kill! Kill! Kill! 23 00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:36,999 Listen to them, Peg. 24 00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:41,716 They're chanting "Al, Al, Al." Just like my old Polk High School days. 25 00:02:41,920 --> 00:02:44,229 These people have been so nice. During my speech... 26 00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:46,271 ...l'm throwing in an old football story. 27 00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:48,914 Why don't you tell them about your 3.25 an hour? 28 00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:51,156 That'll wow them. 29 00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:53,794 You're just jealous because I'm a god here. 30 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:56,309 Watch this. 31 00:02:59,920 --> 00:03:02,070 How do you like that, babe? 32 00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:07,229 They'll stop screaming when you lower your arms, Al. Most people do. 33 00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:10,000 Heavy is the head that wears your mother, son. 34 00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:13,078 Dad, don't you sense there's something wrong here? 35 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:16,078 I'm not talking about the ghosts who danced around my room... 36 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:18,510 ...removing their heads and telling me to get out. 37 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:22,190 I mean, haven't you noticed it's daytime and yet there's no sun? 38 00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:25,397 Time to go. 39 00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:28,515 Sorry, madam, no women allowed. 40 00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:33,279 Well, thank God they don't have that attitude in Paris. 41 00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:37,918 Son, I could die a happy man right now. 42 00:03:38,120 --> 00:03:42,716 Al Bundy, have you any words for the assembled villagers here? 43 00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:53,594 My people... 44 00:03:54,280 --> 00:04:00,833 ...today I feel like the luckiest man on the face of the earth. 45 00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:05,869 As you know, I played high school football. 46 00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:08,515 I was great. 47 00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:13,999 And I know you kids out there would like to be just as great as I was... 48 00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:15,838 ...but beware. 49 00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:20,149 There's a killer out there. A temptation. 50 00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:23,397 It infests your country the same as mine. 51 00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:27,912 It'll eat up your money and your will to live. 52 00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:33,069 I know you've heard about it before, but you can't hear about it enough. 53 00:04:33,280 --> 00:04:38,718 Kids, please just say no to marriage. 54 00:04:39,640 --> 00:04:42,473 Dad, I've got a gut feeling they're gonna kill us. 55 00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:44,113 I'm trying to talk here, son. 56 00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:48,711 - Football builds men. - Enough of this football drone. 57 00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:49,989 Kill them! 58 00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:55,069 Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. 59 00:04:55,280 --> 00:04:57,874 Son, I'm beginning to think you were right. 60 00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:03,436 Forsooth, woodsmen, spare those men. 61 00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:07,838 Fear not, Daddy, there's no business like show business. 62 00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:11,476 Hi-yo Silverware, away! 63 00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:25,835 Well, I just saved your worthless hides... 64 00:05:26,040 --> 00:05:29,271 ...and I think I deserve a hearty "Good job, Kelly, thank you." 65 00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:31,277 You might have gotten a nice thank you... 66 00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:34,517 ...if you didn't say we'd travel faster if we lightened the load... 67 00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:36,472 ...then unhitched the horse. 68 00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:38,716 Well, he did go faster, didn't he? 69 00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:42,151 So should we, because here they come. 70 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:48,589 Kill the Bundys! Kill the Bundys! Kill the Bundys! Kill the Bundys! 71 00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:52,554 Kill the Bundys! Kill the Bundys! Kill the Bundys! Kill the Bundys! 72 00:06:10,280 --> 00:06:11,998 They've stopped. 73 00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:13,713 We must be safe. 74 00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:17,549 Well, we are safe. A man told me to bring you here. 75 00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:19,678 What man? 76 00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:21,877 That man... 77 00:06:22,320 --> 00:06:26,438 ...holding a gun and pointing it at us with a whole load of townspeople. 78 00:06:30,360 --> 00:06:31,588 Don't worry, Al. 79 00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:34,473 Whatever happens, I'll be right by your side. 80 00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:37,837 The women are free to go. We only want to kill the men. 81 00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:40,515 Have a nice life, Al. 82 00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:45,352 I hope your death is less painful than your life. Bye, Daddy. 83 00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:47,679 Hey. 84 00:06:48,680 --> 00:06:52,309 Come over to our side. Your death will be quicker. 85 00:06:52,560 --> 00:06:54,596 No. Come to our side. 86 00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:57,394 At least we won't eat you afterwards. 87 00:06:57,640 --> 00:07:01,838 That is an ugly rumour started by people who are jealous. 88 00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:04,709 Besides, it's dark over here. 89 00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:08,276 We couldn't tell. It's hard to know what we're eating. 90 00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:13,110 - Why aren't they killing us, Dad? - I don't know, son. 91 00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:16,114 We must be on the borderline. 92 00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:18,669 Right, then. I'll settle this. 93 00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:24,918 Now then, come over here or your wife and daughter are through. 94 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:31,709 You fool, that didn't work with the other Bundys, either. 95 00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:34,593 All right, we'll just wait them out. 96 00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:39,631 Thank you. 97 00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:44,076 It was really nice meeting you. Thanks. 98 00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:46,718 Thanks. 99 00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:49,275 Thanks for such a good time. 100 00:07:49,480 --> 00:07:53,439 Now, you really must come to America and experience our theatre. 101 00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:55,312 Jefferson, come on. 102 00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:04,834 I'm sick of the theatre, Marcie. Let's go get something to eat. 103 00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:07,594 There's a place across the street. The Whipped Puppy. 104 00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:10,471 Sounds good to me. 105 00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:12,875 Now listen, I have wired my mother for money... 106 00:08:13,080 --> 00:08:14,957 ...but this was the only address I had... 107 00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:17,230 ...so I guess we'll just have to sit and wait. 108 00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:21,399 But that could take hours. What are we gonna do in the meantime? 109 00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:23,517 Bad Americans? 110 00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:26,078 Bad Americans. 111 00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:41,239 Dad, I just want to say it was brave of you to say: 112 00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:43,874 "Take me and let the boy go free." 113 00:08:44,640 --> 00:08:46,437 I didn't say that, son. 114 00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:49,677 Don't you think it would be a good time to do it? 115 00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:51,632 Why would I say that? 116 00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:55,071 What better way to die than with my only son? 117 00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:57,032 I love you, Dad. 118 00:08:57,840 --> 00:08:59,671 Yeah, right. 119 00:08:59,880 --> 00:09:03,634 But I feel this is the right time for a final father-son chat. 120 00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:08,072 Great. Much better than my dream of dying in the saddle. 121 00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:11,477 Don't make me push you off the borderline. 122 00:09:11,680 --> 00:09:13,511 I won't be able to die in peace... 123 00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:18,032 ...until I've been able to pass down the accumulated wisdom of my lifetime. 124 00:09:18,240 --> 00:09:21,073 So listen, son, and listen good. 125 00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:25,758 Never mind. 126 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:27,752 We're getting nowhere. 127 00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:31,396 Let's just beat them with clubs and see which side they collapse on. 128 00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:37,078 Oh, no. What if one of them fell your side and one of them fell our side? 129 00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:39,236 Be in a fine pickle then, wouldn't we? 130 00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:42,997 I'm sure we could work out something mutually beneficial. 131 00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:44,593 Oh, right. 132 00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:47,758 We have them killed on your side and you promise to share. 133 00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:51,589 But you won't, will you? You can't trust a light-dweller. 134 00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:54,553 - Moon people. - Sun people. 135 00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:57,394 Maybe we're taking rather a narrow view of this. 136 00:09:57,600 --> 00:10:02,469 Maybe we should be looking at it from the point of view of true entrepreneurs. 137 00:10:02,680 --> 00:10:05,148 All right, look, it's the grave of the Bundy... 138 00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:09,956 ...whose death ended a 400-year-old curse. 139 00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:12,478 That's gotta be worth a little bit. 140 00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:14,392 - Custard sales. - Right. 141 00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:16,312 Banners. 142 00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:20,559 "My Dad saw Al Bundy killed and all I got was this lousy T-shirt" T-shirts. 143 00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:22,193 I love it. 144 00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:24,994 - Partners. - Partners. 145 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:30,873 Peace has been found after all these years. 146 00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:32,718 Kill them. 147 00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:38,192 Wait, wait, guys, before you shoot, I just want to say one thing. 148 00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:39,879 The blond over there is a boy. 149 00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:44,797 Come on. It's not that dark over here, lad. 150 00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:47,597 Well, excuse me. 151 00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:52,078 While we're all in such a jovial mood, may I offer just a little suggestion? 152 00:10:52,280 --> 00:10:53,952 See, I think a great idea would be... 153 00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:56,355 ...pretending to have killed the last Bundy. 154 00:10:56,640 --> 00:11:00,110 Yes, well, I'm sure something could be worked out. 155 00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:02,276 I mean, we're not barbarians. 156 00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:04,232 We're not the French. 157 00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:05,993 Well, I demand vengeance. 158 00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:09,272 Shamus McBundy insulted my great-great-great-grandmother... 159 00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:12,472 ...and I want revenge. 160 00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:16,271 Hey, I'll buy you an Orange Julius in London, buddy. 161 00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:17,873 That's a brilliant idea. Okay. 162 00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:23,473 Igor, you kill the big one and in a typical rush of English bloodlust... 163 00:11:23,680 --> 00:11:26,797 ...we all kill the rest of them. 164 00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:30,435 Wait a second. That's not fair. 165 00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:34,110 I was once a mighty athlete and I demand to go out like a man. 166 00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:37,636 All right. What about a medieval joust? 167 00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:41,037 Just think of the promotional possibilities. 168 00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:45,438 Buttons. Fanny packs. Videotapes for the spectators. 169 00:11:45,680 --> 00:11:50,800 Hey, lgor. Before you kill him, try and do something funny with him. 170 00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:53,719 Then we can sell a separate wacky blooper reel. 171 00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:57,509 Oh, Al, do it. I love those. 172 00:11:57,760 --> 00:12:00,479 A medieval joust it is then. 173 00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:04,238 They will fight to the death in Upper Uncton. 174 00:12:05,440 --> 00:12:07,078 Why Upper Uncton? 175 00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:11,393 Well, we could hardly film ever in your village, now could we? 176 00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:14,559 Was that another "dark" crack? 177 00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:18,759 Let's not get testy. We've got a man to kill. 178 00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:25,511 - AI, I'm afraid. - Don't worry, babe. 179 00:12:25,720 --> 00:12:28,757 This lgor don't look too tough to me. 180 00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:31,076 Well, it's not him I'm worried about. 181 00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:36,110 They're gonna be filming and I left my bright-sun makeup in the castle. 182 00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:41,674 And you guys thought you were cursed. 183 00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:51,794 I can't believe my life depends on Dad's ability to joust. 184 00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:54,833 Well, it's better that than his ability to earn a living. 185 00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:58,635 And besides, who says lgor's any good at this jousting stuff? 186 00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:31,633 So long, Tiny Toon. 187 00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:36,030 Come on, Al. It's time to go. 188 00:13:36,240 --> 00:13:38,231 What could that man be doing in there? 189 00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:40,749 I think he's getting into his battle gear. 190 00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:53,717 Let's joust. 191 00:14:08,680 --> 00:14:12,116 Al, honey, before your death... 192 00:14:12,680 --> 00:14:15,513 ...I mean, certain victory... 193 00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:18,439 ...there's really something that I must say to you. 194 00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:20,392 What is it, babe? 195 00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:23,111 Do you have our return tickets? 196 00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:27,518 You know, just in case you lose them during your victory dance. 197 00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:31,551 Don't worry about me, babe, I played high school football. 198 00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:33,478 Besides, if I should die... 199 00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:37,309 ...it will comfort me greatly to know you'll be stuck here for life. 200 00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:40,268 Wish me luck, kids. 201 00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:43,115 What good would it do? 202 00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:45,157 Pumpkin, what do you have to say? 203 00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:48,954 Daddy's dying. 204 00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:52,191 Well, that's comforting. 205 00:14:52,720 --> 00:14:55,837 Let the tournament commence. 206 00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:03,751 Pennants. Get your lgor pennants. 207 00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:07,191 Get your "I saw Al Bundy die" T-shirts. 208 00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:10,153 Here you are, sir, one for the lady wife. Here you go. 209 00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:12,237 A couple for the kiddies. Lovely, smashing. 210 00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:13,953 That's it. 211 00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:21,070 Ladies and gentlemen... 212 00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:26,195 ...let's get ready to rumble! 213 00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:33,072 Welcome to the thumping in Upper Uncton. 214 00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:37,314 On my left... 215 00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:44,073 ...five-time all-European undefeated jousting champion... 216 00:15:44,280 --> 00:15:46,271 ...going by the name of... 217 00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:52,112 ...lgor "The Truth" Deathshire. 218 00:15:58,120 --> 00:15:59,599 And on my right... 219 00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:04,189 ...from the Windy City of Chicago... 220 00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:06,716 ...USA... 221 00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:13,192 ...AI "Stink-foot" Bundy. 222 00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:22,548 When I say begin, begin. 223 00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:24,188 Begin. 224 00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:48,713 Go back to England, lgor. 225 00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:38,719 - I can't look. How's he doing? - He's doing great. 226 00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:44,235 What do you mean, Dad's doing great? 227 00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:47,432 Dad? I thought you meant lgor. 228 00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:51,113 Okay. 229 00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:54,990 Enough Rope-a-Dope. 230 00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:57,075 Let's rock. 231 00:18:02,360 --> 00:18:06,433 Now for the death blow. 232 00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:16,230 Next time you play a man's game, wear a man's uniform. 233 00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:21,872 And the next time you insult an American... 234 00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:25,117 ...make sure he didn't play high school football. 235 00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:35,309 Now let's rock. 236 00:18:43,560 --> 00:18:45,949 You stink, Bundy. 237 00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:09,354 You did it! You did it! It was so great. 238 00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:13,073 - Oh, Al. - Well, this is a fine how-do-you-do. 239 00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:14,508 What do we do now? 240 00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:18,878 Well, I suppose we'll just have to flip a coin to see which side we kill him on. 241 00:19:19,120 --> 00:19:23,910 Look, it's the sun. It's coming out over Lower Uncton. 242 00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:33,433 The curse must have been lifted when Bundy defeated lgor. 243 00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:36,274 Hooray for Al Bundy! 244 00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:38,951 Oh, Al. 245 00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:43,678 This is terrible. 246 00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:46,872 We've always prospered as a tourist attraction. 247 00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:50,675 "The town next to the land of darkness." Now we have nothing. 248 00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:53,309 What about us? I mean, now you can see. Look. 249 00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:57,069 We've got no crops. There's no paint on the stores. 250 00:19:57,320 --> 00:20:00,278 We're just a couple of little burgs in the middle of nowhere. 251 00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:02,471 We can't sell any T-shirts now. 252 00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:06,952 We can't even sell the bloody video we made. 253 00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:08,832 He's ruined everything, he has. 254 00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:11,640 - Let's kill him. - Why not? 255 00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:14,354 Let's kill the whole bloody lot of them. 256 00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:18,276 Vacation's over. 257 00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:25,113 Thank your father, kids. 258 00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:27,390 - Thanks, Dad. - Thanks, Dad. 259 00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:39,596 Americans coming through. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse us. 260 00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:41,233 - Americans coming through. - Move. 261 00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:42,919 - Excuse us. Excuse us. - Move. 262 00:20:43,120 --> 00:20:44,712 - Excuse us. - Excuse me, pardon me. 263 00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:48,071 Americans coming through. Excuse us... Oh! 264 00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:50,396 - Hi, you made it. - Hi. 265 00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:53,672 - So how did you enjoy London? - Oh, it was great, Peggy. 266 00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:58,476 We managed to take in a lot of... theatre. 267 00:21:09,360 --> 00:21:11,078 Oh, my goodness. 268 00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:12,838 Someone has switched our luggage... 269 00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:16,077 ...and given us many erotic forms of punishment. 270 00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:22,869 But rather than hold these good people up, we'll be glad to pay the duty. 271 00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:32,992 Do you have anything to declare? 272 00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:36,596 Yes. My husband is an idiot. 273 00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:41,833 - Come on, kids. - Mom, what happened to Dad? 274 00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:47,160 He got caught stealing a hotel towel. Like he'll ever use it. 275 00:21:47,360 --> 00:21:51,035 - What do you think they'll do to him? - Oh, please, it's a hotel towel. 276 00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:52,798 What can they do? 277 00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:00,559 What are you in for? 278 00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:04,309 Stole an ashtray from the Ritz. 279 00:22:06,360 --> 00:22:09,716 - You? - Towel from the Savoy. 280 00:22:13,120 --> 00:22:16,874 - What do they feed you in here? - Bread and water. 281 00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:23,109 Then it's truly the best vacation I've ever had.